Should I give up? Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Summary: That’s all it was about with Finn--closure. Quinn proposes to Sam that that’s what they need, too. To get it out of their systems. Fabrevans. 1/3
Rating: T (M for future chapters)
Part One: I Wish I Could Erase The Pain, Then Maybe You’d Feel The Same
Musical Inspiration: Guns and Horses by Ellie Goulding
Spoilers: None really, but after Original Song to be sure.
“I’m in love with her.”
Quinn should have acted surprised. Not stared at Finn with the blank expression that she had known was coming. She wasn’t mad or sad or any of those other emotions that usually cropped up when he picked Rachel Berry over her. She had nodded and shrugged, not even mustering the strength to bitch him out over it.
She wasn’t in love with Finn Hudson. She loved him, a part of her always would, but she wasn’t in love with him. That was a different Quinn Fabray, one that hadn’t slept with his best friend, one that hadn’t given birth to a daughter--to only give her away.
She had tried to pretend since she left the hospital, almost a year ago, that she was the same person. She had gone out of her way to be the same bitch she had always been. Cutting down the same people, betraying the people that were close to her. She wanted to be that person, again. Live that life...simple and not alone.
That’s why she cheated with Finn...that and the fact that there was still some residue of a relationship never properly ended.
Finn loved Rachel.
Sam had loved Quinn.
Quinn fucked up.
As per usual.
She wouldn’t lie. Santana and Sam breaking up brought her some relief. Mercedes whispered gossip during Trigonometry just washed over Quinn, a weight just leaving her mind. She wanted him to be happy...that wasn’t with Santana--or her.
Ten seconds after she heard the news, it hit her that it didn’t mean he still loved her. Still wanted to be with her. Still wanted to talk to her.
No, she wasn’t good for Sam. She had cheated (on a boyfriend, again). It had come back to bite her in the ass. Now, she had no one (again).
The word Finn used to label their once again faltering coupling.
“We needed to have a real ending, Quinn. We needed to close that chapter before we could move on”
It was true. They needed to move on, something that couldn’t have been accomplished without answering the lingering question of was there really something there, still...after everything.
Sadness. That’s what was there. Sadness that attacked as soon as she saw Sam walking hand-in-hand with Santana.
She had swallowed her feelings, shoving them deep into the recesses of her heart and tried to convince herself that Finn was the one. Finn had been the one...the one for pre-Beth Quinn. Innocent(ish), virgin Quinn.
Watching Sam across the cafeteria, he engrossed in a conversation with the football players. He was smiling, probably talking about the score from whatever sport was being played that month. He looked happy, he was in his world. She was reducing to watching him.
She missed sitting with his friends. She would lean against him, his arm around her shoulders. Not paying attention to the conversation around her, she would draw designs on his knee with her finger.
Now, she sat alone, a half-drunken milk in front of her and a barely touched salad.
That’s what it was.
Finn Hudson had it right. She needed closure.
Closure from Sam.
They needed one last moment. One that would finish their chapter together completely. One final memory that could at least push her in the direction of moving on.
She could feel the pit in her stomach growing heavier with each step. The soft clack of her flats on the tile was the sound of her fate sealing itself to Sam’s decision. He would still be in the weight room, doing free lifts or running or something. He always stayed behind.
This was her one shot. She had reasoned with herself that she’d do this once, she try to talk to him once. Try to convince him...once. If he turned her down, she promised herself that was it, she wouldn’t put herself out there anymore (wouldn’t let herself get hurt anymore).
Slowly opening the door, Quinn took a step inside, spotting him near free weights. She inhaled all of the doubts that she had concerning this, and tried exhaling them away. Mustering up the courage that was Quinn Fabray and sauntering over to him.
“Hey.” Her voice low and husky, trying to mask the fear she knew would bubble up if she let it.
His eyes narrowing, “What are you doing here, Quinn?”
She forced one of those fake smiles she had been wearing for too long on, “I wanted to talk to you.”
He looked annoyed, rolling his eyes, “Obviously...but what about?”
Turning the smile into the classic Fabray smirk, “Stuff.” She shrugged, not sure how playing aloof had came into the mix.
“Quinn, I don’t have time for your game, what the hell do you really want?” Sam was practically sneering as he reached to open his water.
She let out the quietest of sighs, hoping over his gulping of his drink he hadn’t heard it, “I have a proposition for you.”
He sat down the bottle, “What? Do you wanna cheat on Finn with me?”
*No. I want closure.” She folded her arms.
He raised an eyebrow, “Closure?”
“One night, so that we can move on.” She made sure to look directly into his eyes, the urge to look down fighting against her.
“Wait--you’re saying that we have sex, so that we can move on?” He paused, laughing loudly and harshly, “What’s sex going to solve?”
“I need you out of my system, and we’re both unattached. It’s not like we’ll be doing anything wrong.” She answered.
“Out of your system?” Sam smirked, “I’m in your system? That’s strange considering you cheated on me.”
“I’m sorry, it was a mistake.” Quinn frowned, she knew that apologizing was going to be key, but she wasn’t prepared for the guilt, “If I could take it back, I’d do whatever, but I can’t.”
He shakes his head, “No, you can’t.”
Breathing out heavily, she continued frowning, “Alright. Forget I even asked.” She turned on her heel, taking a step away before feeling his hand circle her arm, pulling her back.
“Wait.” He tugged her to face him, “One night? That’s it? I can’t take you back, you know that.”
Quinn nodded, “One night.”
“I don’t get it, though. We never did anything, you’re in the celibacy club and you pretty much vowed abstinence after the pregnancy.” He didn’t release her arm, “Why do you wanna do this?”
Teeth biting down on the inside of her lip, trying to hide it from him.
I’m madly in love with you, and I want even if it is only once to be yours completely.
“Because we never had the chance, and had what happened, not. We would have eventually. It’s what we need to end it for real.” She said, instead.
“Okay. I agree.” He released his grip on her arm, stepping back, “Come over, tomorrow, my parents are spending the weekend in Cincinnati.”
“Perfect.” The fake smile managing to plaster across her face again.
Turning to walk out again, Quinn’s face falling into relief as soon as her back was to him.
“Oh, and Quinn, don’t think you’ll be able to manipulate me into taking you back.” He called.
AN: I just recently became a Fabrevans shipper. Used to be, I could have cared less, but recently I fell in love with them.
Was it worth first attempt at a ship I’m not used to writing?
Are you looking forward to another chapter?
Feedback is appreciated.